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Monday, May 6, 2013


Everybody want to put me in a clear, defined place, a corner.
Everybody want to label me.
Looks like I have to be either white or black. I have to choose my side.
What if I can't? 

What if I'm torn?

- I admire all Arab populations for an awakening moment. For seeking freedom. For saying "enough" tyranny. For discovering their potential.
- But I 'm scared to death when I see the power that took place. I'm afraid those freedom seekers are being killed now. And a darker force is crawling to steal what have been accomplished.
- I admire Tunisians, Egyptians, Bahrainis, Libyans, Syrians, Yemenis... revolutionaries.
- I fear Tunisians, Egyptians, Bahrainis, Libyans, Syrians, revolutionaries.
- I respect the Syrian upraising when it begun.
- I fear the slaughter house it turned out to be.
- I can't but feel anger for the international dead silence and acceptance of atrocities in some places, while raging over others, depending on interests. But can't say I totally lost hope.
- I can't blame only the "west" or the international community. I can't neither blame only the "east".
- I can't pretend to be the victim all the time, to be right. I can't also play guilty all the time.
- I can't understand righteousness in watching Chechnyan, and many other foreign fighters and mercenaries' presence in Syria, killing, raping, kidnapping, while the "free world" is either watching or filtering what they want to see.
- I can't understand righteousness in killing Syrian civilians by their government, neither by their freedom fighters.
- I can't understand how reports of Sarin usage in Syria, are being politically used to nail the regime or the FSA (depending on political positions), while lives have been lost in a massive destruction weapon.
- I can't understand slaughter by anyone. I can't understand how blood is believed to bring justice.
- I can't understand how some believe by acting as bad as their enemy they can bring peace.

I'm torn.
I can't take a "white or black" position. Because all I can see is shades of grey where no light seem to come wipe all the blood and hatred.

    No sir, you left no more freedom seekers in Iraq. There are no more safety, peace, security. No more minorities (as their name indicates, they are not that important maybe).

     No sir, there are no more freedom seekers in Tunisia, they are now fighting to protect women and minorities from forced veil, rape, and primitive rights, simple basic human rights.
    No sir, there are no more freedom seekers in Egypt, they are now fighting to lessen the grip of Muslim Brotherhood on everything. Fighting to keep women safe when walking in the streets. Fighting to let minorities express their beliefs without the fear of attack and death.
    No sir, there are no more freedom seekers in Bahrain, I mean, did you ever see them in the first place? They seem invisible to the "free" world. And what about Yemenis? Do you have any idea what they are going through?
    No sir, there are no more freedom seekers in Libya. There is a lot of western oil investors, among mercenaries.
    No sir, there are no more freedom seekers in Syria. Real freedom seekers are shut out, they are trying to keep faith in their nonviolent dream. The rest is thousands of mercenaries (be it on Syrian Army side or Free Syrian Army). There are innocence killers, nihilists, butchers, beasts. There are hundreds of ruined cities, villages. Thousands of raped girls, shattered families, displaced...
    No sir, I can't hear Israeli fighters all day and all night over my head, and see them attack countries and believe that they are "merely defending themselves" as I couldn't swallow your "preventive wars on terrorism" before. Can't seem to cope with your position when you can't compare losses and see who is paying the highest price.

    No sir, I can't seem to see the "transitional phase" you seem to be sure of. I mean, I can't sit and say "oh, well, it happens, it's a transitional phase, let some more die, let some more fear worst nightmares, let some is the price for freedom". I just can't. Because I believe life and peace have more importance in the 21st century, equally, for all races and nationalities.
    No sir, I can't sit and watch some of my people drag my whole land to an unwanted place. A war. A fear for our safety.
    No sir, I don't want to sit and say:"there's an 'international agenda, no matter what we try' ".
    No sir, I can't seem to find that "Arab Spring" you insist on calling despite everything. I lost it in the middle of hatred and death.

    I'm torn sir. 

 I just can't frame the situation I am witnessing. I can't take a "clear" position. I can't smell death and pretend one is totally right and one is totally wrong. Can't see that in wars civilians are just numbers, are just collateral casualties, are just victims. 

    Who gave you the right to decide if I die or if I live? If I have to choose between what you see is right or what you see is wrong? If I deserve a country or not? If I deserve security or not? 

    Or let me re-frame my question: what pushes you to decide to stand up for me or not? To say I deserve to be safe now, or I'm not that important? What Chart did you sign?

    I'm torn. I'm afraid. I'm angry. I'm sad.
    The worst part is, no matter what my opinion is, I'm just a victim project, my kids are just victims projects, my family, my friends, are just victims projects, and you don't give a damn.